Written by Michael Simmonite
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Friday, 9 November 2001

image for Who wants to be ILL ON AIR!

Coughing during the recording of glitzy game shows is to become illegal. Would-be members of carefully hand-picked studio audiences will have to sign a declaration stating that they 'will not cough, clear throats or do anything else likely to spread germs during the recording of shows'.

Chris Tarrant, presenter of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire programme which is claimed to be 'more popular than sex' was not surprised. Chris - who owns several suits and is famous for wearing ties that seem to crash into his shirts said: "You don't have to phone a friend to find out that coughing can spread nasty germs and viruses. To be blunt: we don't want poorly people in the audience."

Chris - who repeatedly spits out the questions at contestants even though they can see them on the screens in front of them anyway - said: "Audiences are strange animals, I'm not even sure we need them."

However, Chris - who's contestants always seem to know him as they always finish off the answer by saying his name - told us that it is a possibility that involuntary sneezing may be permitted on the show.

"I won't bother asking the audience. It's 50/50" he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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