For decades TV viewer ship ratings have been watched by Neilson Inc. not to be confused with the Neilson of Olympic Muff Diving fame.
Neilson employees in specially equipped radarcars drive the streets of the world tuning in on whose TV set is tuned to what channel at what time and day or night. Weird results have occurred from time to time like when millions of normal football viewers changed from watching the super bowl to the movie Heidi. But no one was prepared for the anomaly that has occurred in the TV ratings for the 2008 Beijing Olympics.
Radarvan drivers and their monitoring co-pilots report that incredibly high viewer ship is sailing along about to break not just Olympic but all sporting events popularity when every now and then an immense number of television sets suddenly change channels. The mystery is heightened by the fact that the channel change has no discernible pattern. Radar O'Leary, Radarvan co-pilot told thespoof that it is as if channels are being changed randomly:" People will be watching the Olympics on the block we are driving down and then it is as if they all switch at once to anything at all. Swimming fanatics suddenly switch to barney and women's beach volley ball oglers unexpectedly click over to the 700 club!
A study of the phenomenon showed that the channel switch correlated with the appearance of US President George W Bush. Apparently the first US President to attend a foreign Olympics has become a big time ratings killer. One long time Olympic watcher, Pointillius Pointer told the spoof:" The Olympics are about high ideals and international cooperation and friendly competition. How could NBC ruin my favorite sporting event by showing that murderous dolt along with clever assassin Henry Kissinger who told Nixon to prolong the Viet Nam War for election purposes and new Russian warlord Putin. Of course, I change the channel rather than puke all over my remote!"