Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Britney Spears To Donate Eggs For Darfur

(Los Angeles-CA) Less than a week after a court extension of Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, as conservator of the pop star's estate through 2008, a statement by Spears' father has called the court's judgment into question. Jamie Spears wrote in a blog post on Britney Spears' website. "Britney asked me if she could harvest her eggs and auction them on eBay with all of the proceeds going to Darfur relief. Fans, our girl is getting better!"

Sire Spears went on to say that the Pop Mom read on CNN.com that the downturn in the economy has caused many women to sell their eggs in order to make ends meet. "And when Brit also read that applications for egg donors were up at Harvard, she said to me, 'Dad, that means it's a smart move too, right?' Well, you can see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. So, I am giving my permission."

The blog entry received national media attention after it was posted on Perez Hilton's site. Some time friend Paris Hilton was the first to respond via text message. The "Simple Life" star texted simply, "Egg donation, ew!" But after finding out the proceeds would be going to Darfur relief, Paris texted the reply, "Still ew, but that's hot…and generous." Archenemy to Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, was more non-committal asking, "Will it leave a scar that shows above the bikini line?"

Online casino GoldenPalace.com, successful bidder for the Virgin Mary cheese sandwich, has expressed interest in bidding on the eggs. At a press conference in Las Vegas, spokesman for GoldenPalace.com Phil "Ice Pick" Andreula said, "Our interest in Ms. Spears' eggs goes beyond that of simple publicity. Ideally, we'd be the successful bidder, see if we could induce Kevin Federline to fertilize them, place them in Britney, and nine months later, one word, "franchise." When a reporter asked Andreula if he thought the plan seemed in any way "abject capitalism meets Nazi atrocity", Andreula was quick to defend GoldenPalace.com's position. "I think you're forgetting that all of the money for the eggs is going to charity. Enough said." Another reporter simply asked, "Have you lost your mind?" To which Andreula countered, "Oh no, because if Britney passes, we are already in talks with Jamie Lynn."

The debate has even hit the Presidential campaign trial. Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain, who recently released an ad comparing opponent Barack Obama unfavorably to both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, took time out of the 156th in a series of 534 town hall meetings in Michigan to address the matter. "While I still stand by that commercial, given the recent events regarding Britney Spears, all I can say it that I hope there's a "But It Now" option on that lot, because I'm willing. I'm potent. And nine months after, you'll get to meet your next President of 2049."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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