As the news of the highly shocking Davidson/White marriage breaks, an elderly woman reveals the emotional turmoil that she has been put through by the newly married MPW.
Sheila Foster, 107, was coupon shopping in her local Morrisons when the "filthy street man wearing a girls suit" approached her and asked to "smell her fruit".
"Naturally I was disgusted at the man, but he followed me round the supermarket with his fruit loaf and I was genuinely scared. I thought he was going to steal my pension" sobs Foster. She then recounts how she was bundled into a land rover by a man known as.... The Ishii. He told her that she was to be married to Marco at motorway cafe with the Daily Star taking the wedding photographs, so he could "hide his sexuality".
Sheila stood at the roadside for over an hour, at which time a baggy orange faced ex comedian came and tied her up, really DID take her pension money and told her that the wedding was cancelled, because Marco "was too in love with The Boys".
Sheila is still tied up; to be cooked on a spit as part of Marco's next ITV series: "Marco's Great British Cannibalism"