Written by Carlos Kickaball
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Topics: Pete Doherty, Tosser

Friday, 18 July 2008

image for Doherty: "I am not a tosser"
Doherty: Looks older without makeup

In a rare and coherent statement issued today, Pete Doherty informed the public, "I am not a tosser".

It is not known why Mr. Doherty made the statement, but the celebrity rumour-mill has been awash with speculation, with various sources citing guilt, sobriety, ego and ketamine as potential motivating factors.

The doorstep proclamation was met with fierce debate, as passers-by, the milkman, Doherty's neighbour, and the press outside were quick to counter the hat wearing tosser's claim.

Shortly after the loud and insistent crowd died down, Doherty was seen to start crying, and reportedly evacuated his bowels at his own front door in response.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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