Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 18 July 2008

image for John McCain's Dark Knight Is Dirty Harry

(Washington, D.C.) "The night is always darkest before the dawn." So begins Harvey Dent's observation on Gotham City's crime spree in "The Dark Knight". And it's the same beginning for a press release posted today on his website. But it ends, "And that's when it's time for a little straight talk and lots of hot lead."

The press release is "pre-announcing" a thirty-second campaign ad to begin running next month. It shows the Senator from Arizona most likely to channel Barry Goldwater as a "Dirty Harry" type of chief executive, who is always ready "to take out the trash, which may be a little damp from waterboarding."

The ad has caused a good deal of buzz. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was one of the first to respond. "I said George Bush was a failure. I wish I would have reserved judgment." Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean attempted a comment but just couldn't stop laughing.

Republicans themselves are keeping an open mind but tight lips. Minority Whip Roy Blount said simply, "After the second Bush term, I got kind of used to the term "minority," so I guess it's okay." However, the White House is behind the effort…maybe. Judge for yourself based on the following statement by George Bush at his afternoon press conference. "There is nothing wrong with taking out the trash, okay? Look they didn't do it in Naples, and now they have a problem. You can't expect FEMA to be there to help you."

While footage for the ad is still being edited, some has been previewed by high-ranking McCain campaign strategists. From their accounts, it shows McCain watching what appears to be the original "Dirty Harry". McCain begins muttering, "You feeling lucky, punk, punk…Ahmadinejad?" The Senator then appears to doze off and begins dreaming of himself as "Dirty Johnny", who "cleans up the Middle East" by shooting at targets with the faces of the regions leaders on them.

Barack Obama immediately commented on the ad during a fund raising event chat session at an online Texas Hold 'Em web site. "Well, I see that my esteemed opponent has one accurate point in this ad. He's dreaming." McCain was quick to fire back while at the 309th in a series of 5,022 town hall meetings. "To that I would simply say that I accomplish more asleep than my young colleague does awake."

Senator Hillary Clinton was asked if the ad will actually make an appreciable difference in the road to the general election. "You know I won the popular vote in the primaries and the electoral votes in every swing state."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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