Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 12 July 2008

image for Big Brother Rebecca Survives Despite Her Fat Legs And Saggy Tits
Blind Mikey stoops to suckle Rebecca's saggy oomlaater

Big Brother Rebecca, or Bex, or Rebecca, come to think of it, has survived tonight's latest round of evictions despite her fat legs, saggy tits and spontaneous outbursts of ridiculous childish antics.

Instead, viewers voted out Mario, in the biggest mistake since Big Brother came onto our screens nine years ago. Rebecca, obviously expecting to hear Davina McCall say her name, heaved a massive sigh of relief and removed her bra, whereupon the munter's tits fell out of her hammock/dress.

The girl from Coventry has the fattest legs in BB history, and is well-known for them in her home town. Her breasts, if you can call them that, swagger like udders on a demented cow - not so very far from the awful truth.

When the housemates exhausted their supply of milk last week, Rebecca allowed some of the males to suckle on her, with the disastrous result that the sucklers went down with chronic diarrhoea.

A Channel 4 spokesman said after the news of Mario's eviction:

"We realise that putting a fat lump of lard like Rebecca in the House was a mistake. Now it's up to the other housemates to nominate her again, and the viewing public to vote her out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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