Written by Wrighty
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Thursday, 10 July 2008

image for Timmy Mallet named as new crimewatch presenter

Questionably insane ex children's television presenter, Timmy Mallet, has been controversially named as the new presenter of BBC's Crimewatch program.

Mallet who has been growing- as he puts it "sensibly old" over the past decade, is now ready to turn his attention to something "less colourful" and he believes he is ready to combat such problems in our modern day society as the misuse of "mallet related objects".

A spokesman for the BBC has said that the decision is based on Mallets ability to "connect with a young audience" in light of the recent increases in youth related crime.

Mallet is currently working on a brand new set of catch phrases in preparation for the show and according to one close source they are sounding as "good as ever". It is not known yet whether Mallet will be allowed to wear his wacky glasses or banana yellow jacket but produces have been quick to ban Timmy's famous mallet from the show explaining "we see it as a distasteful gesture given the sensitivity of the program".

Mallet has been keen to break in to crime program presenting for a while but previous attempts to do so have failed- notably when his "Not so wide awake club" was banned for 'unrealistic reconstructions' where the murder weapon would always be replaced with a pink mallet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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