Florida - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Cynthia Scurtis Rodriguez is in shock after finding out feckless baseball player husband Alex is Madonna's son and not her toy boy.
The accomplished professional psychologist is said to be 'embarrassed as hell' at not sussing out the Oedipal relationship which she claims has wrecked her six year marriage.
"Sure I thought Madonna was shagging my A-Rod," Scurtis Rodriguez said today, "my whole $50 million divorce petition depends on it.
Although A-Rod's true paternity is shrouded in mystery neighbors of the Rodriguez family in the Dominican Republic say General Colon Bowel is the prime suspect.
"He was around in 1980 just after the family moved back from Washington Heights," local resident Floella Labordello told the Florida editor of LA FagHagSlagMag celeb newspaper.
"Some of us here still remember the secret child support checks that kept coming in years after the adoption went through," Labordello added.
"And some of us blame Colon Bowel for the rift between A-Rod and his half brother Victor Rodriguez Junior whose career in the US Air Force is something of a miracle."
Guy Twitchy, 69, is utterly flabbergasted.