Written by matwil
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Monday, 7 July 2008

image for Amy Winehouse Opens A Wine House
Amy's glass of Chateauneuf du Crac, spilt when she was fighting with Liam Gallagher

Today, in London, singer Amy Winehouse opened a brand new wine house, called Amy's Winehouse.

Speaking at the official opening, Miss Winehouse said: 'Ok, people, the name's as corny as a Democrat speech, but it gets the point over, innit. And people can come and buy the best wines, and - Hey you! Who do you think you're looking at, mate!', and the singer broke off the interview to throw a punch at a passing traffic warden, before kicking him on the shins.

At the opening were fellow English stars Pete Doherty and Liam Gallagher, and soon Miss Winehouse and the Oasis front man were having a punch-up at the bar, before joining forces to attack Blur singer Damon Albarn, with some empty wine bottles they found on the floor.

The Winehouse will offer what Amy called 'free tastings for rich and famous alkies and druggies, and we'll have crack in the lavvies if you get bored with the plonk, Keef', as the Rolling Stones' guitarist fell asleep at his table. 'Where's me matches?'

But wine expert and famous bon viveur Keith Floydchards was not at the opening, saying 'It's bad enough being famous for singing like a howling cat, but now she's some sort of wine dealer? She should stick to what she knows best, singing bum notes and mixing up the medicines.'

Later this year Miss Winehouse will be bringing out her own brand of wine, Chateauneuf du Crac, and also a new cheese, Enfield Eccy. Janis Joplin is getting a haircut this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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