Written by Ed Miller
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Topics: Angelina Jolie

Friday, 4 July 2008

Activist-moviestar Angelina Jolie gave birth today to her first child (that is first non-adopted, non-foreign child). To the surprise of the "Wanted" star and her husband, Brad Pitt, the child appeared rather old.

"He was born under unusual circumstances," explained Pitt. "Our boy was actually born as an old man, and the doctors tell us he will actually get younger with age."

The star of the upcoming film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, had little to say about how this might have happened but believes it could be attributed to the fact that the child is American.

"Well, our other twenty-seven kids are from another country, in case you don't have the Entertainment Tonight channel. This time Angie and I decided to give birth to our own child after much discussion. Knowing that American children are inferior we took the risk. This just goes to prove why we choose our children so carefully."

Brangelina named the child Tyler Durden Jolie-Pitt because Pitt claims the child reminds him a lot of himself, or at least who he hoped he could be.

The couple announced they chose Morgan Freeman to be the newborn's godfather. Jolie's Wanted co-star accepted.

"We couldn't think of another person to be a better godfather than...well, God himself."

Jolie and Pitt have taken many pictures of the newborn and promise constantly inform the media about what the child does everyday in a new news segment called "Baby's First," despite the fact that no one gives a shit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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