Speculation is rife tonight amongst fans of Doctor Who as to who the new Doctor might be, after it became widely known that current incumbent David Tennant will regenerate during this year's Christmas Day episode.
The BBC have decided to 'modernise' the Doctor, and want the Timelord to reflect "life as it is in current-day Britain".
In short, they want the regenerated Doctor to be gay, thus rendering him a Gaylord.
Irish actor James Nesbitt (Jekyll, Midnight Man) was to have taken up the challenge, but he is thought to have changed his mind, and new front runners for the role include Paul O'Grady (Lily Savage), Julian Clary (Strictly Come Dancing) and even Graham Norton (Wanker).
Gordon Ramsay was considered briefly, but his lack of gayness and his apparent inability to speak a sentence without saying the F-word, were an obstacle the BBC felt they were unable to manoeuvre around.
Spokesman for the BBC, Adam Bender told The Spoof:
"The Doctor has appeared in many guises over the years, but never before as an Uphill Gardener. The producers were eager to portray him as part of Britain's modern heritage, and have, therefore, decided to regenerate him as a gay person."
The Xmas episode features the Doctor's old adversaries, the Daleks, who, yet again, invade the Earth, but this time, on an entirely credible and praiseworthy mission, to rid the world of homosexuality.
Asked for his opinion on the subject of homos, Nick Briggs, the man who is the voice of the Daleks, said, predictably: