Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Twins, Girls

Tuesday, 18 May 2004

The many years long love affair of American girls for Mary Kate and Ashley Olson may come to a screeching halt with the announcement that for the past three years Danny Devito and wife Rhea Perlman have been playing the ‘twins' in television and movies while wearing specially designed suits made by the makers of Real Doll love dolls.

Real Doll, a company set up to manufacture love dolls for upscale customers agreed to attempt to create the suits for Devito and Perlman. They succeeded spectacularly.

"The problem," a Hollywood producer who understandably wishes to remain nameless, "is that the real Mary Kate and Ashley did not age gracefully. They went from being cute girls to gawky pig-nosed young women overnight. Mary Kate's feet splayed weirdly and Ashley's hair all fell out, probably due to the stress, but maybe it was the mange. I heard both. But they were both a mess and I mean, they never could act. Somebody had to do something."

In stepped Danny Devito. "It was a real challenge. The suit is hot, and I'm not exactly a fifteen year old girl, but we got through the rough spots and pulled it off. The girls, they mean well, they try, but they weren't going to make it."

This Milli Vanilli situation developed out of concern for the girls and because they were too hot a franchise to just throw away.

No one need have been the wiser had not key grip Bradley Foster been fired for what he felt were unfair allegations of drug use on the set.

"This Foster guy," Devito said, "he got fired and decided to take everyone down with him. Sure he hurt the producer, but he hurt everyone involved. The girls were crying; their careers are over. I mean, they can't even try porn. Trust me on this one, okay?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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