Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Tuesday, 24 June 2008

image for Sarah Jessica Parker arrested for gross negligee

Sarah Jessica Parker, star of "Sex and the city" has been formally cautioned at the Carabinieri Canine specialist Police station in Florence after a photo shoot for her new fragrance 'Rabies' ended in chaos today.

Ms Parker was attempting to cross a busy Florence street in a revealing fluffy pink baby dollesque negligee when an Inspector with the Italian Lingerie Commission spotted Ms Parker blatantly wearing a last season number 'designed' by some pop stars daughter or other and issued the bemused actress with a ticket written in Italian.

"I didn't know what it it was." Ms Parker said in fluent American,

"I thought the guy was handing out fliers for a pizza parlour or something and so when I tried to give it back to him all hell broke loose.

All I said was 'Thanks, but no thanks greaseball' and the next thing I knew there were 7 hot looking cops waving their weapons in my face.

That's when I fainted."

A spokeswoman for the emaciated American star confirmed that Ms Parker had been held at an exclusive Italian police station but denied that the famous actress had been badly treated by Italian police.

"Sarah was incarcerated for a nominal period of 8 hours and was released without charge but is required under Italian 'Lingerie' law's to return to the station for a 'right good grilling' of at least an hour or two a day for the next two weeks.

Ms Parker has reportedly surrendered her passport and readily agreed to the deportation of her 1980's teen film star husband 'Matthew Broderick' to their holiday home in County Donegal until all Italian Police charges are laid before her.

Margaret Zwolski, an avid 'Sex in the city' Fan has has been keeping a constant vigil outside her cell and gave a chilling account of what the wayward star had been through in the last few hours.

"Ohmygoditsbeenjustawfulforher!" Ms Zwolski said breathlessly.

"Every few hours for the past eight hours 4 big Italian men in uniforms and leather march her into the cell and go to work on her."

When asked by a reporter from the BBC how Ms Parker was bearing up Ms Zowolski answered that she appeared to be 'holding her own' and has been co-operating with the Italian Authorities.

"Last time after they brought her into the cell I could hear her screaming 'Yes! Oh God Yes!

"That's it!

That's it!'

I heard her telling them that she'd be back first thing in the morning to help with their enquiries at eight when the new shift clocks in.

"Carrie would be so proud of her."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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