Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 20 June 2008

(Hollywood-CA) You wouldn't think that Jamie Lynn Spears, who this week gave birth to a baby girl named Maddie and is the star of Nickelodeon's popular "Zoey 101", would need to give her baby up for adoption. But vying celebrity earth mothers, Aneglina Jolie and Madonna, both want to adopt the child.

The reason? Now that most of the children in Africa have been adopted by the two powerhouse moms, they have turned their attention to children in the United State because, as Madonna put it, "African adoption is so 2006."

It was at a "Save Darfur" celebrity Pictionary event that Jolie made her intentions known. "Look, I want that kid, and that's that," she said to dutiful and mute husband, Brad Pitt. Jolie-Pitt spokesperson, Janine Lindemulder, responded to reporters outside of the Pictionary event, "Brad and Aneglina would welcome little Maddie into their home, not simply as a status symbol, but the prime status symbol in their home." Upon hearing the statement, Madonna, attending a celebrity "Save the Rain Forest" Balderdash event, reacted, "I'm not saying that I would be the better mother for this child, by my name is Madonna. So you do the math."

Politely shoving her daughter and new granddaughter's wheelchair aside outside of the hospital, Lynne Spears was quick to answer reporters' questions. "If you all want to know if my daughter is going to give up her sweet baby, Maggie, for adoption, we would never, never do that, unless of course it would mean an exclusive five-year production and merchandising deal with Nickelodeon and both Angelina and Madonna's prodcos." When a reporter corrected Mother Spears, that her granddaughter's name was not "Maggie" but "Mandy", Spears was quick to recover, "Sorry about that. I do know the kid's name. That was just the Grey Goose talking or maybe the OxyContin."

Jolie was outraged over the comment saying through her spokesperson, "Both Angelina and Brad are as much dismayed as they are shocked about Lynne Spears' statement. No one ever said anything about a merchandising agreement," while Madonna's reply was unsuitable for a general publication. However, it did align Lynne Spears' dietary habits to the stars of the "Two Girls One Cup" video.

And it seems that the controversy has even hit the campaign trail, with both candidates, McCain and Obama, weighing in. At a "Texas Hold 'Em" tournament in Nevada, presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama said, "This is a child's future we're talking about. You don't gamble with that. Get it? Gamble? Of course, merchandising is a given." John McCain was quick to retort, after awaking from a mid-afternoon nap, "Whatever happened to family values in this country. Merchandising rights? Has anyone ever heard of a paper route for a kid to get some extra cash."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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