Religious elders have caused an uproar by criticising rugby player Gavin Henson for having had an orgasm inside Church.
"This is not the kind of message that we want Christians to be hearing in these multi-cultural, lackadaisical times," said Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Atkinson, who had been told the news by an ageing colleague.
The Church of England issued a statement condemning Henson's sacreligious behaviour, but withdrew the statement when they realised that they had misheard the news.
"We would like to apologise to Mr Henson," said a CofE spokesangel, "because we were misinformed. While we maintain our stance that a church is not the appropriate place for a man to sow his seed - not least because it makes the pews sticky, we would like to make it clear that this is not what Mr Henson has done.
"One of our retired vicars heard on the radio about Mr Henson getting Charlotte Church pregnant and didn't hear it properly. He passed on the news to a church warden, who told another vicar, who complained.
"By the time we found out the real facts, we had already given a full interview to the Daily Mail, which was preparing a piece on how outrageous Gavin Henson was and how it would destroy house prices."
Mr Henson was unavailable for comment. Charlotte Church was, but we couldn't understand her accent.