Written by Simon Cockle
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Topics: Sex, Big Brother

Sunday, 15 June 2008

image for BB9 contestant has sex with Big Brother to win bigger shopping budget

Fresh controversy for the troubled C4 programme 'Big Brother' has hit the front pages today as it was revealed that Italian lawyer Rima Pudendi, 23, had sex with the supposed controller on the show, 'Big Brother' itself.

Having consumed a litre of cheap red wine, Rima, who lives in West London, took the live challenge and made love to Big Brother, an abstract concept thought up by the programme makers. Given that 'Big Brother' has no physical body, Rima was forced to have intercourse with a variety of objects to ensure she had passed the task.

After impaling herself on the arm-rest of the famous BB chair in the diary room, she then fellated her microphone, another symbol of BB's presence, before masturbating with a rolled-up copy of her contract with C4/Endemol UK productions.

Finally, she asked a camera man to stamp on her face with a jackboot for all eternity as this visually represented BB's power and infinite control over the inhabitants of the household.

At this point, BB staff intervened. Rima has, however, won an extra £33 for the remaining housemates, who celebrated by talking inanely about the STDs they hoped to contract in Faliraki, Rhodes, once the show's run had ended.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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