Chelsea unveiled their new manager Big Phil at a Press conference this morning, with the first development likely to be the addition of a new service garage near to the Stamford Bridge ground.
Phil, who already runs The Arches in Turpin Way, Walford, feels it is time to expand the backstreet business into something more global, and considers the time is now right to put his plan into practice.
Big Phil's first signings are likely to be the lazy mechanics Gary Hobbs and Minty Peterson, but there is also speculation that he may also bring in Carly Wicks, who left Albert Square last New Year. She would provide some much-needed 'eye candy' at the Bridge, and is currently thought to be in Thailand working in a bar.
Ian Beale and little Ben were unavailable for comment.