Written by Kea Toff
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Monday, 2 June 2008

image for Space Aliens agree to pose for People magazine
What we might look like to Outer Space Aliens.

Extraterrestrials have agreed to pose for an in-depth People magazine cover article this summer.

"We have kept the American public in suspense long enough", said high ranking Eel Caspian (through a translator), "In fact, we have been planning this for quite some time."

The aliens refuse to say exactly where they are from, except to gesture towards outer space. Not only will they leave undisclosed their location, they will not reveal their planet or home name. Perhaps for fear of retaliation or some other security reason.

This much we do know, they speak as though they have a stopped up nose. A special team of allergy and cold suffers will be on hand to translate.

For instance, while we know they speak perfect English the sound will, because of their vocal passages and nasal structure the sentence "A boy has a dog", will come out as "A boy has a dog". However a sentence like "We have nothing but good intentions" will "sound like "We hab nubbing bub goob imtemptions".

Concerns over the years that they could easily be misunderstood has been the major reason the space aliens have spent years peeping through the windows of cold and allergy suffers say the aliens. To gather and recruit a team of interpreters.

The aliens also specifically require that the interview and photos taken have to be taken through windows during night with low lighting.

People editor, Ms. E'er Toodle-Pip, released this statemnent to the press. "We belibe tey chobe Pebol Mabadine becaub thay are pebol amb becawb ub our rebutation."

Outside speculation is that Ms. E'er Toodle-Pip is herself an allergy and cold sufferer and frankly, the aliens like anything that has to do with peeping. Hypothesis about the aliens name and planet of origin range from the mundane, they don't exist, to the highly possible, they name sounds to silly in 'cold speak' to say and still be taken seriously.

So anyway, we say "Welcub to our planib!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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