Today, Democrat Films Inc announced that their latest blockbuster was to be a film version of the highly successful television programme 'Roots.'
Senator Barack Obama will play its lead role, as an African who comes to America and keeps talking about his skin color, but also denying that it matters. He is bought by slave plantation owner Jebediah McCain, who is 98. Complications arise when McCain's wayward daughter, Missie Hillary-Jane Clancy, demands that Barack be set free to fight in the Civil War, a war she doesn't quite oppose on moral grounds, but opposes the Confederate Army's catering budget costs, to hedge her bets.
McCain refuses to free Barack, though, as local gunman, Arnie Shortielegger, has a Colt 45 pointed at his head, so Barack spends the rest of the movie smiling and waving and never saying anything worth listening to, apart from what color people are.
Miss Clancy ends up as an embittered spinster, and Jebediah McCain stands for President when he turns 100.
The Waltons are all asleep.