Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 2 June 2008

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George: wouldn't have been my choice

Britain's Got Talent, the ITV variety show, is to be known as Britain's Gone Soft after 14-year-old George Sampson won this year's competition with a pathetic display of Breakdancing.

The show, which picks quirky members of the public from obscurity and dumps them back there a week later, offers a prize of £100,000 to the winner, although the poor unfortunate soul must then perform in front of His Royal Quirkiness Prince Charles at the Royal Variety Performance to repay the debt.

George, from Warrington, was thrown out of last year's competition for being crap, but doggedly wormed his way into this year's show by praying on the public's conscience, and its 'love of the underdog', which knows no bounds.

The lad from Lancashire brought a tear to the eye of many a grandma as he 'jerked' his way through a modernised Singing In The Rain routine, which was enough to make me squirm in my chair.

Other superior acts such as opera singers Faryl Smith and Andrew Johnston, and master musicians Escala, could only weep as the general public showed its usual disregard for genuine talent in favour of a sob story, and caved in, voting instead for 'brave little George'.

Piers Morgan told reporters:

"How pathetic! Those fiddlers have been fiddled!"

And Simon Cowell agreed, saying:

"The British public have gone soft. That's not talent, it's just jerking off to music!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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