Shock news has reached us that Simon Cowell, high waist-banded soldier in the fight against good music has won the current round of Britain's Got Talent.
The tall bloke, that is not obnoxious buffoon Piers Morgan won after playing darts with a swordfish, whilst playing Rachmaninov's 2nd Piano conerto on a penny whistle.
'It was amazing' said Sharon Osbourne. 'We never knew that Simon could do that, it was really rather impressive'
After the win, Simon Cowell said 'I thought it was about time I put my money where my mouth is, and playing darts with a Swordfish, instead of with darts is easy, and as for the penny whistle playing, Louis Walsh taught me to do that'
Piers Morgan said: 'I should have won, I really should. Don't play the popularity competition with me mate, you know you are only going to lose. Do you know who I am?'