Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 31 May 2008

image for UN Inspectors To Intervene In Eurovision Crisis
The symbol of World Fairness

Inspectors from the United Nations are to be asked to investigate allegations of vote-rigging amongst judges at the Eurovision Song Contest, it has been reported, after the United Kingdom failed to impress once again.

The competition, which purports to judge songs, is alleged to have been hijacked in recent years by politicians "looking to do their neighbours a favour".

Sir Terry Wogan, the embittered Irish host of the Eurovision Song Contest show screened on BBC1, moaned:

"It's fixed, and I, as a pretend Englishman, do object, so I do."

The Eurovision Commission has come in for criticism since Russia won this year's contest last Saturday, particularly from the UK, who finished in last place. One UK judge, Ernest Hipacrit urged the government to insist on UN intervention, saying:

"We in the United Kingdom have certain standards that we adhere to. Songs are judged solely on their merit, and our decisions are made objectively, without bias or political motive. Any suggestion that the UK public is subject to making decisions in a calculated or underhand way to promote talentless acts, is absurd."

Kate Andgin, owner of Gin the Border Collie, and runaway favourite to win tonight's Britain's Got Talent final, was not available for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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