Written by Paul Deacon
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Topics: Food, Yorkshire

Friday, 9 November 2001

image for Ben And Bessie To Marry

Aunt Bessie, the Yorkshire pudding millionairess and Uncle Ben, the rice magnate are engaged again and will marry next year, according to close friends.

Bessie, who is best known for her delicious Tidgy Puds, met Uncle Ben in a freezer cabinet in Safeway. The couple were originally engaged last year but parted following an incident in which Ben is said to have got very excited by Bessie's pudding. He reportedly became "quite passionate" in the icy depths. So much so that security staff were called and they had to break it off.

Not all are so happy about the forthcoming nuptials. Neighbour Sara Lee told TheSpoof "This has come as a surprise. I always thought she was frigid". Another, Bernard Matthews, went further "I reckon he just wants to get hold of her frozen assets".

But most are looking forward to the event with the frozen vegetable section said to be overcrowded with those hoping for a birds-eye view of the wedding. "We wouldn't miss it for the world" said Chip McCain. "Apparently Bessie has already booked her Lyon's Maid of honour and I hear they're going to Iceland for their honeymoon".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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