Sir Michael Parkinson has been appointed 'undignity ambassador' for Britain's aging celebrities.
Speaking from his million-pound London flat, and wearing a flat cap and braces, Parkinson, aged 132, said: 'Eee by goom, tha knaws, ah's from Barnsley. I want to make a real difference to ancient, boring has-beens, like myself.'
Concern has been shown for such geriatrics as Mr. Parkinson, and others, such as Esther Rantzen, all of who have managed to stay in the news for decades, without actually doing anything interesting. And fellow non-entity Melvin Bragg, famous once for saying 'I'm from Cumbria', also joined the campaign, as did Joan Collins and Gordon Ramsay.
'The rumours that all I do is make lunches are untrue', Ramsay fumed, and, stirring his pot of tinned Irish stew, he added: 'With Mike on to it, we'll be famous well into our hundreds, for no reason at all!'
And fellow bland chef, Jamie Olivebore, putting on a silly Dick Van Dyke mockney voice, said: 'Would you Adam and Eve it, me old china, it's a bleedin' liberty, mate, thats wot it is.'
And another dull celebtrity, Margaret 'Generalissimo' Thatcher, added: 'It was very different in the 80s, when we knew we were famous for a reason. We are not amused by this at all.'
And Parkinyawn himself stated: 'This should make for lots of mind-numbing chat shows, with guests you thought died thirty years ago.'
David Frost will be talking about Beyond The Fringe again later tonight.