Captain Hikaru Sulu, best known for navigating the USS Enterprise on episodes of "Star Trek" while still a lieutenant, says he plans to wed his lifelong love now that the California Supreme Court has overturned its ban on gay and interspecies marriage.
Sulu, 51, told reporters on Monday that he and Spock, the 67-year-old Vulcan currently on leave from his position as UFP Ambassador to the Romulan Star Empire and seriously tired, are going through the tedious process of cleaning up Ground Zero - the demolished hotel suite where they spent the glorious weeks of Ambassador Spock's 'pon farr', also known as the Vulcan 'seven year itch'.
Hikaru Sulu admits to stalking Ambassador Spock for nearly a year, in hopes of making himself available for emergencies. Pon farr is known to strike without warning, causing the afflicted Vulcan to cease being stoic, smash furniture, throw soup at nurses and ultimately confess to having sexual fantasies about lifelong friends.
"Trust me, " said Sulu, speaking with his left arm in a sling and a black eye, "I have no regrets. None. I do have a lot of bruises, yes, but no regrets whatsoever."
Still, episodes of pon farr do not always lead to matrimony.
"There's no tradition in terms of interspecies marriage. We are designing and shaping our own wedding in our own way, so it's going to be singular, silly and unique," added Sulu, who first made their wedding plans known on a Vulcan BDSM website last weekend.
Comedian Ellen DeGeneres has also announced plans to marry her girlfriend, Chelsea Clinton , daughter of a former US president and current candidate.
Both sets of celebrities, like gay, lesbian and heterospecies couples across the Federation of Planets, said they were astonished by the California Supreme Court decision legalizing interspecies and same sex marriages.
"As an Klingon, I was delighted that we're getting closer and closer to a violent overthrow of the decadent government of Planet Earth," said Lord Kruge of the Klingon High Command.
"It's inconceivable that this kind of indiscriminate love bonding will be allowed to continue. Marriage isn't about love: it's about arguments, pettiness, property and unprovoked assault."
Publicity surrounding these marriages will likely lead to recurring guest spots for all parties on Oprah and Saturday Night Live.