Written by Panndyra
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Topics: Ocean, Caribbean

Tuesday, 11 May 2004

image for Billy Ocean Makes A Comeback
Is Billy Ocean a dead ringer for George Clinton or is that just me?

The world is rejoicing because Billy "Caribbean Queen" Ocean is making a comeback. After falling into near obscurity in the late 80s, this pop star is out, about and telling the world that, to quote LL Cool J:

Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years. Mama said knock you out.

A source close to the Ocean said, "Yeah, Billy's had a few bad years. First, he changed his name to Billy Sea, but no one understood. Then, he did a country album under the name of Billy River. The final straw with the industry came when he did a politically correct version of his massive hit, Caribbean Queen called Strong, Independent, Regal Diva Woman of the Islands in and around the Caribbean Ocean."

"We were really worried about him for a few years. What, with all the name changes and the fights with his record label, we thought he'd never make it back far enough to be a VH1 Behind the Music Story, much less a guest judge on Britain's Pop Idol." His ex-manager and sister's cousin's third husband said today from his hotel in Trinidad.

"Of course, to hear Billy talk, he never went away. He still made records in his basement. He says, 'yeah, well I made more money doing that, mon, because I kept 100% of the profits, so no worry about the Ocean. I keep on flowing." His new hairstylist and rasta-friend, Dredd R. Lockings said from his salon.

"He also became a Hasidic Jew for 3 weeks. Then, he got tired of it and lived with an Amish family for an hour until he realized they had no running water. Finally, he found peace as an atheist." One former record executive said.

Sources close to the former idol say he's slated to appear at the Cyprus music festival next month. "He's doing a duet with George Michael and Boy George. It'll be slammin'." His fan club president, Prissy Blindsided, announced on her website.

After that, Billy's going to tour Burkina Faso, Guam, Goa and Borneo in the "World Islands" tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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