A Downing Street spokeswoman, Miss Asa Loo Mseeker, said: 'Yes, Mr. Brown hates the Bee Gees, and says that they make him sick, and want to vomit on the carpet.' And Reichschancellor Alistair Goering added: 'We're raising taxes on CDs by 17% next week, Mr. Brown will be out shortly.'
The Bee Gees have been one of the most successful bands in pop music history, but have also been one of the most ghastly and unintentionally funny ones. With their high-pitched squeaky voices, and dreadful clothes and huge teeth, they make the Bay City Rollers seem like Motorhead, and Barbra Streisand sound like Nirvana.
Mr. Brown, kicking a passing cat called Tony, announced, in a Fuhrer-like way, on top of lots of steps at Number 10: 'Yes, it's true, and it's fascinating. I can't stand those ridiculous gits, they sound like hamsters on some sort of illegal stimulant. If I had my way, I'd get them banned - along with Tony Blair.'
And his wife, Thingy Brown, shouted out: 'Come in now, Gordon, your dinner's getting cold!'
But lead Bee Gee, Barry 'Wild Man of Rock' Gibb disagreed. 'We're cutting edge, man, we taught Kurt Cocaine all he knew about crazy, outrageous, heavy metal music. Can I have your autograph, please, Mrs. Brown?'
And his brother, that other Gibb, said: 'No way, Jose Carrera! If the PM doesn't shut up, we'll force him to make up some ridiculous tale about him listening to our songs every day!'
But speaking from his rehab clinic in Wessex, rock legend Lemmy had this to say: 'Hey, I always liked the Bee Gees.' Cliff Richard is 244 and a half.