NEW YORK, NEW YORK - After a six month struggle through open casting calls with stringent negative qualifications required for candidates to make it beyond the initial application phase in a search to replace the now-tainted hostess, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc. (NYSE: MSO) has released an abbreviated list that reads like a Who's Who of celebs who had assumed that their notoriety would give them an edge to take over the coveted role of domestic diva.
Among those who have been rejected by the Corporation are: Leona Helmsley, Tammy Faye Bakker Messner, Bill Clinton, Shannon Doherty, Roseanne Barr, Darva Conger and Donald Trump. "The Donald" was quoted as saying, "How could they reject me? We already have the same hairstyle, and I already know how to say, ‘you're fired' with the perfect streak of mean!"
In recent weeks, rumors have been bantered about that Omnimedia Inc., was looking for a slightly different image - the same negative personality, but with a fresh, younger face. Finally, the rumors were confirmed when a spokesperson for Paris Hilton confirmed that Ms. Hilton had been in month-long secret negotiations with Omnimedia. It seems Ms. Hilton had the diva position sewn up since she never lifts a finger to do anything herself, definitely knows how to pose for the cameras, and isn't afraid to take credit for something, whether or not she has any clue as to how it occurred.
But, in a surprise move today, Omnimedia dropped Paris Hilton and signed newcomer, 21 year-old civil engineering student, William Hung to take over the domestic diva's role, citing the fact that anyone who can be shot down by Simon Cowell before American Idol even begins, land a recording contract, do covers of not one, but two, Ricky Martin songs, shoot a music video, turn up on the talk show circuit, have women screaming after him, and become a household name in such a short amount of time - with absolutely no talent - is perfect to fill Martha's recently vacated garden clogs.
So, William - welcome aboard. And, "She Bang, Baby!"