The absolute final, final, last film in the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" series, starring Harrison Ford and directed by Steven Spielgames will be shot in Britain in 2019, according to Barry Norman (86), who came out of retirement to make the announcement.
With the official title "Raiders of the Lost Post Office", it stars pensioner Ford, who will be celebrating his 76th birthday a week before filming commences. Co starring great-grandmother Madonna as his sexy assistant, and Alfred Lord Dyson as the vacuum-cleaning poet, it will be shot on location in a post office in Maidenhead, unless the Royal Mail closes it and have to pay post office directors a fat performance bonus before filming begins.
However, it is understood that should the post office be forcibly closed, Steven Spielgames has threatened to relocate to Fred West Street in Luton, turn left after the Acme B & B and mosque, just after the Poundstretcher Store, no, the other side of the road stupid!
The story line follows the plight of a pensioner (Harrison Ford) on a mission to cash his winter fuel voucher. As he passes the end of the street, he is faced by an irate grandmother (Madonna) who chides the local branch of Boots for running out of its range of environmental, edible nappies for grandchild Alicia (played by Posh and Becks 16th child, Moondance Lovelyknightfour).
Pacifying the grandmother, he enters the post office, and as he places his fuel voucher on the counter, is asked by the postmistress, in a rather loud voice "Where's your coat and cane?". Mistaking this statement as a request for "Where's your cocaine" (due to the induction loop on his hearing aid malfunctioning), he takes out his 45 ("Airport" by the Motors) and all hell breaks loose.
A must see film.