News came through today that Madge Madogga, a famous dancer who can't sing or write music, is to adopt an American child.
Speaking from her kennel in Italy, Texas, Miss Madyawna said: 'I'd tried everything to keep my career alive for years, apart from bringing out decent records, and had been reduced to cheap publicity stunts, like adopting African children. Then suddenly, after a major drugs binge, I realised that as an American I had a duty to stop publicising myself, and to help American kids by adopting one, with no publicity or press releases.'
Her ex-husband, Sean Pennery, had this to say about Miss Midge: 'Yawn', but in the Deep South of America, millions of Christians were outraged at Madogga's actions.
Thousand of people turned out onto the streets to make bonfires of her records and CDs, and effigies of the 'Dog' were burnt across Alabama.
When questioned, Miss Madogga's agent said: 'Er.' Madogga is 82, as is the the child she will adopt, when she actually talks to it. Please send all donations to MTV-Nazi Productions. Sir Paul McHasbeen added: 'In 1965, we....'