Written by Jesus Budda
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Saturday, 10 May 2008

image for Guns 'N Roses to perform songs from Chinese Democracy Album at Olympics
"Youuuuuuu, could be miiiiine...."

Grizzled rock group Guns 'N Roses are to perform songs from their much anticipated Chinese Democracy album at this years Olympic Games in Beijing, China.

Lead ginger singer Axl Rose told MTV Asia to "fuck off" after they questioned him about the event.

Guitarist Slash was more forthcoming; "We are proud to eventually be able to unleash this fucking record on the human race", he said, "it's been a long time coming. Axl is a lazy bastard...

"We're gonna perform the whole album at the opening ceremony in Tienanmen Square - the birthplace of modern democracy...and stuff".

The album is a departure from previous Guns 'N Roses recordings and relies heavily on saxophone and accordion - a dramatic shift from their cock and bull roots.

"Playing an accordion is a bit like making love to a beautiful transvestite stripper", pondered Slash, "you've gotta squeeze it gently and push all the right buttons before you can make sweet music".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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