Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Thursday, 8 May 2008

image for Uma Thurman marries obsessive stalker
That's when you know you've found somebody special, you can shut the fuck up for a minute and enjoy the silence.

In a surprise move, Uma Thurman has married a 37-year-old man recently found guilty of stalking her.

Jack Jordan, a University of Chicago graduate stalker and unaccountable Kill Bill fan, has stalked Hollywood star Uma Thurman since 2005.

He was found guilty of aggravated affection after stuffing a love letter into her mailbox in 2007.

Their low-key, sudden marriage has attracted widespread attention because Thurman testified against him at his trial, as did her mother Birgitte, a former model, and her father Robert Thurman, a professor of Indo-Tibetan studies at Columbia University.

The family has since had Jordan over for dinner on several occasions.

It is not known when Ms Thurman decided to marry her erstwhile antagonist, though he had stated in court that he was predestined to meet Thurman and live a happy life with her, and then asked jurors whether they found this happy-ending scenario otherwise likely for any Hollywood star.

He testified that he never thought of himself as a stalker or "a perv", but only "in love."

He developed a crush on Thurman, 38, after seeing Pulp Fiction forty-two times while he was in high school.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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