Semi-funny satire journalist Gene Mason has died of spontaneous human combustion at the age of 49 following what is believed to have been a massive marijuana overdose, according to police experts.
Police responded to a call from a relative who was concerned that Mason hadn't shown up to give her some money and a ride to a friend's house.
A grocery list was found near a pile of ashes on the living room floor at Mason's disheveled Florida home. The last items that Mason had written down were hot dogs and marshmallows. Detectives found Mason's dogs in the bedroom playing tug-of-war with a slightly charred foot.
Mason had often voiced his wish that the circumstances of his death would bring laughter to his world of strangers.
"I guess he got his wish," chortled police spokesman Howie Burns. "I'm just sorry we couldn't do more. Our guys were pretty crestfallen when they immediately found marijuana all over the house and there was nobody left to bust, shoot, beat or taser. It's a helpless feeling."
Funeral arrangements are incomplete at Gnarled Oaks Funeral Home, as the relative who was forced to claim the remains is demanding a cremation discount and still needs a ride to her friend's house.