Mariah Carey is reportedly no longer single, young, popular, or even remotely interesting, with no media frenzy generated whatsoever by reports that she may have married her rapper beau Nick Cannon.
Rumours indicate they got drunk in the Bahamas one night and woke up married.
Carey and Cannon met in March this year, but hardly anyone noticed as the only paparazzi who stalk Carey these days are the ones who draw the short straw.
Initial reports of the wedding were gleaned from a men's room wall of a far terminal at Miami International Airport.
Reps for the couple can't be bothered to confirm or deny the news.