It is a sad day for all us 'spotty' teenage girls around the world as Daniel Radcliffe formally known as Radders is pictured leaving his Fulham family home, looking frankly awful.
The teen heart throb appears to have gained a large amount of weight and basically let himself go. Today as he ran out to get milk from his local newsagent, he dressed only in his dressing gown and an odd pair of socks, witness looked on in shock.
"I am so out of here." said Jophie Wayne, a well known Radcliffe stalker "How can anyone fancy that?"
It looks as if Radcliffe is loosing his fans one by one. "What is the matter with these people?" He asked "I am only human I can't be expected to look perfect the entire time, well I guess if they don't love me in the body I am in, they never really loved me at all."
However things did look up for Radders later in the day as an unknown woman approached him and started coming on to him. As a hardcore Radcliffe fan (I could just close my eyes) I went to explore further into the identity of this mysterious lady.
On entering Radcliffe's bedroom I found a bus pass discarded on the floor and a massive pair of knickers. The next sight that met my eyes, will haunt me till my dying day. I don't think I will ever forget all those wrinkles and all that saggy skin, yes Radcliffe had got himself a woman, but I am sure she wouldn't look out of place in a nursing home.
Am I jealous? Surprisingly not, as time goes on I am falling more and more out of love with Daniel Jacob Radcliffe, maybe I am growing up.