Written by Jesus Budda
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Sunday, 27 April 2008

image for James Hetfield of Metallica Joins Guns N' Roses For Special Reunion Tour
Axl and James reaquaint themselves with buildings and stuff

Metallica rock icon James Hetfield is joining forces with Axl Rose and the Gun N' Roses guys for a special once-off reunion tour staring in Montreal on June 18th.

The Metallica frontman and guitarist has taken time out from his hugely successful group to help his old pals get up and running in time for their shows.

"Are you ready to rock, friends?", growled Hetfield today, "are - you- ready - to ROCK!".

Hetfield famously went on fire live on stage during a performance a number of years ago. Guns N' Roses were unable to take the stage early to make up for Metallica's disrupted performance, as Axl Rose was busy laughing his ass off so much at Hetfield's hand burning to bits.

"We've french kissed and made up years ago", said Hetfield.

Axl Rose's looks were horrible disfigured in an accident involving too much plastic surgery and multiple bad hair days.

Eager fans have been wetting their pants in crazy excitement at the prospect of these monsters of rock performing together on the same stage. At the same time. Wearing leather. And coated in baby oil.

"I masturbated when I heard the news", mumbled one pathetic lank-haired greasy Canadian fan,"and then I took a break before masturbating a little more".

Tickets go on sale in all good 'Fantasy Land TM' stores this coming Friday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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