Berlin, Germany - (Tone-deaf Mess): Germany's leading national orchestra wants to dump the man credited with steering it to the top after a blazing row about Nazi tribute songs.
Former London bus conductor on the notorious 69 double decker route to Max Mosley's S&M orgy den in Fulham Sir Simon Rattle has threatened to goosestep his way out of the Berlin Philharmonic position unless he gets his musicians submit to his authority.
"Basically Simon wants us all to dress in period clothing, ja," the orchestra's Leader said today, "including authentic swastika armbands and custom-built rubber corsets for that definitive Fuehrer's Bunker look."
An already turbulent atmosphere recently deteriorated after Rattle, 69, ordered the orchestra's trombonists "to stomp around the orchestra pit stark naked, waving some I Love Adolf bunting" while rehearsing an old Rommel-inspired version of Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles.
"At least his predecessor, the legendary Herbert von Karajan, made us all wear condoms for those nude scenes during the Bayreuth Wagner Ring Cycle Festival concerts," the orchestra's triangle player added, "even though some of us thought him a bit sadistic in those post-concert whipping sessions."
Joseph Goebbels-Ratzinger is 89.