Written by Jasper Stones
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Tuesday, 22 April 2008

image for Jeremy Kyle, proudly sponsored by...?
Stella's target audience, yesterday

A Spokesperson for Stella Artois today unveiled the three year sponsorship deal with ITV's The Jeremy Kyle Show.

In one of the bloodiest corporate battles over TV sponsorship, Stella Artois has emerged victorious over rival sponsors Benson and Hedges and The Post Office.

'We see the participants and audience of this programme as core customers and supporters of the Artois brand', quoted the spokesperson, 'anyone who been to the Asda will see that Stella is the beer of choice for the stay at home generation'.

The three year deal with Stella will see the programme segments being 'bookended' by advertorials for the multi-award winning brand. In somewhat of a break from tradition the 'olde worlde' adverts will be replaced with more contemporary faux chatshow style segments where seemingly ordinary members of the public will be shown chugging four packs of Stella and then turning into work-dodging, welfare grubbing, wife beating, child-denying layabouts.

'Shameless seems to be the programme du jour, so why can't it work for Stella Artois?' said a soon to be jobless advertising exec.

A spokesperson for Benson & Hedges commented 'whilst we're sad we didn't win the advertising deal, it's no big loss for us as our product sales rise exponentially with the sales of our rival's beer'.

The Chief Exec of The Post Office burst into fits of laughter at the news 'No matter what, we get the last laugh as they all have to cash their benefits with us anyway.''Maybe there's some way we could exchange Giros for Stella and B&H vouchers...?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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