London - The Institute for the Study of Not Very Good Things has released the results of its study focusing on pop-icon Madonna. The study concludes that Madonna is not very talented at all.
According to the study, which involved taking samples of the pop-singer's brain, Madonna is "not very good at all". The study goes on to say that "researchers were unable to see the point. She doesn't play an instrument and her only talents are writhing on beds and talking about urine, and these can't really be considered talents because they are things that Madonna does."
In one section of the study, Madonna is contrasted with Stevie Ray Vaughn, who actually played an instrument, had talent, and wasn't a trollop. "Stevie Ray Vaughn had more talent in his pinky than Madonna has stretched out through her whole, pointless career," the study says, "and yet she still has more fans, proving our hypothesis that hell is full and the dead are walking the Earth."
Dr. Elton Poodle, lead researcher for the project, told reporters that "we just had to get to the bottom of this bizarre phenomenon. The woman can't act, she can't write, she's obscene, and she mysteriously acquired an English accent as soon as she moved to England." Poodle went on to say that, "these are telltale signs that Madonna may very well be a useless wench. The fact that she has fans says more about her fans being devoid of taste, brains, and common sense than it does about her being talented."
Although Madonna's fans all over the world protested against the report, they are being ignored.