Hollywood - NBC Executives held a press conference today during which they formally said goodbye to the megahit sitcom Friends and told viewers to get a life.
"Friends had its day. It's over now. Get a life. It's just a TV show," said NBC Programming Director Milton Shtoom. "It wasn't that good and it contained Courtney Cox. I really don't get this ‘Let's start a cult around a TV show about smug, stupid, mediocre people' thing. I mean…what the hell!"
However, NBC acknowledged that the series finale of Friends has left a void in their upcoming programming line-up, and announced the inception of a brand new series. "When we saw the through-the-roof ratings Friends was generating, we came to the conclusion that people will watch pretty much anything, so long as it provides just the right level of brain-numbness people so desperately need in order to evade reality," said Shtoom. "Therefore, we are confident that viewers will flock like brainless sheep to our next offering. It's a series called Paperclips."
The premise of the new show is simple. Paperclips will be an hour-long show devoted to just that: paperclips. It will not be a documentary or drama or a comedy. In fact, there will be no human performers whatsoever. Viewers will simply be shown a pile of paperclips for an entire hour.
"We're sure our viewers will love it," said Shtoom. "After all, if they'll watch Friends, they'll watch pretty much anything."
Paperclips airs this Fall, right after the season premiere of Self-Satisfied Middle-Class Jerk-Offs.