Written by Paul Deacon

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Topics: Music, DJ

Friday, 5 October 2001

image for British Dance Unhealthy
The real souce of phat bass lines?

A survey published this week has found the state of British dance music to be very unhealthy.

A growing number of basslines are not just phat, but actually obese, the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention said. More than a third of basslines, 35', are "slightly or moderately phat", up from 29' in the last survey, which covered 1995-99. Around a half are "well phat" and nearly a quarter of them, 23', are considered "obese", or grossly phat, compared with 18' in the last survey.

Prof. E. Lactic, who wrote the report, commented "These are alarming trends. We have more phat basses than ever before. In addition, a lot of these basslines are also smoking. No wonder a lot of beats are ill these days".

He added "They need to get out of the house, and the garage".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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