Written by Wire Piddle
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Monday, 14 April 2008

image for Alicia Keys - "Gangsta Rap A Conspiracy"

Grammy Award winning singer, Alicia Keys, has stated that she believes Gangsta Rap was a government controlled conspiracy; a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. Furthermore, she states, the dispute between rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled by both the government and mass media in order to stop 'another great black leader from emerging'. Both men's murders remain unsolved.

When asked what she thought of the rise of Senator Barack Obama, a black running for President, Ms. Keys noted that the Senator was not a 'true' American black. In fact, she believes, he comes from the planet Zolton, a planet that lies roughly 23 million light years from earth, and was sent to Hawaii at a very early age by Zolton's elders, in order to study the horticultural practices of Hawaiians. Hawaii, Ms' Keys explained, was chosen for the fact that there is no indigenous vegetation left on the islands. Everything growing there is from somewhere else.

She believes his career path changed as a result of an influx of celebrities to Hawaii, many of whom actually come from a rival planet, Takagong, the spiritual leader of Takagong being former part-time Hawaiian and Beatle, George Harrison.

"You can tell the difference between citizens of Zolton and Tagalong just by their accents you know," Alicia said.

At roughly the time Mr. Harrison arrived in Hawaii, Obama moved to the mainland of the United States. A further motivation occurred when many television series began shooting episodes in Hawaii. The most notable one was The Brady Bunch, whose lead actor, Robert Reid, was actually Takagong's chief of military.

Fearing for his safety, Keys states, Obama fled the island and engaged himself in politics, a forum where he could find both security and obscurity. Under the persona of a black Senator, very few people would question his true roots as an illegal alien from another planet.

On the premature deaths of both Harrison and Reid, Keys offered the following, "They're not dead. They've just gone back to their planet. And when Obama becomes President, well, mark my words, all hell will break loose."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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