Heavy Metal fans around the world (but particularly Canada) must hang their lank-haired, smelly heads in shame today following the revelation that the stoner losers have absolutely no sense of humor.
"For a bunch of denim and leather clad ugly b******ds, with a fondness for the musical twittering of shaky-voiced, lycra-loving, topless, ginger f**ks, they are as dry as the proverbial shit", said professor of modern culture and gingers, Dr. Ralf Lauren.
The study involved the showing of spoof comedy writing about popular heavy-metal and rock 'heroes' to a bunch of teenage dickless kids - mostly born years after the bands they now support so diligently have faded out of memory.
The 'fans' (as they are loosely termed - wretches and desperate youths would be more appropriate) responded with such humorless loyalty that the professors team were left stunned by the sheer po-faced gullibility and dryness of their subjects.
"Most of these little rascals couldn't differentiate between fictional story-telling involving their idols and factual news" said the professor, who has won numerous awards for coloring in his drawing book, "these so-called fans would defend people like ginger-whinger Axl Rose of Guns N' Fuckin' Roses to such an extent that any story not praising the kilt-wearing/ginger-dreadlocked plastic-faced gimp would be treated as heresy and duly burnt".
"I was around during the heyday of the Guns N' Roses and I was quite 'down' with their 'gooves' and hard partying lifestyle of debauched public sex acts in bars", reminisced the Prof, "but I also know that the whole act is comedic Spinal Tap-esque foolishness that even the band members accept as so. Why not these dicks?"
The Professor points to the fact that many of these mindless, devout followers are Canadians.
"Says it all really", shrugged the Prof as he colored in a picture of a mouse, "a deadly cocktail of multiple levels of stupidity and retarded-ness".