Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 12 April 2008

image for Karen Matthews To Star In 'Shameless'
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Karen Matthews, the horrible neglecter of 9-year-old missing-cum-turned-up-safe schoolgirl Shannon Matthews, is to star in the BAFTA-award winning TV drama series Shameless, according to sources at Channel 4.

Matthews, 32, is currently under investigation by West Yorkshire Police with regard to so many crimes, you just wouldn't believe it. Her boyfriend is being looked at for possessing questionable images of children, and members of his family have also been arrested.
This is what passes for 'normal' in Dewsbury.

Channel 4 executives have therefore invited Matthews to play a starring role in the new series of Shameless, but she won't be taking any acting lessons - the producers want to film the everyday goings-on in the Matthews household just as they happen, and make a show out of it.

The show's Executive Producer Paul Abbott said:

"She's perfect! A neglecting, drug-taking, benefit-cheating mother-of-seven by five different partners, with no self-respect whatsoever, currently under arrest and in danger of being lynched by the local Chav community. Brilliant!"

A West Yorkshire Police spokesman confirmed that they had been approached by Channel 4, and that, in this crazy, mixed-up society we live in, Matthews could end up benefiting quite substantially from her lowlife lifestyle once, with the benefit of Legal Aid, she has managed to wriggle out of any charges they bring against her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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