Written by Sophie Jayne

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Friday, 11 April 2008

image for The Girl That Stole Harry Potter's Virgin(ity)
Harry Potter is deeply upset about the theft of his virgin.

Harry Potter AKA the chosen one mourns this evening over the theft of his virginity. Yes he is not a virgin owner anymore. He has no virginity.

The theft happened earlier today when a known slag broke into Hogwarts castle and robbed Potter of his virgin status. The thief turned all the power off and fumbled about until she found the virgin in question and grabbed it with two hands, leaving Harry virginless. She made her escape via a nearby window.

"It was awful her hand were everywhere." said the boy wizard as he blew into a paper bag.

Potter was later emitted to the hospital wing on grounds of shock. As Madame Poprey refused to comment, we thought we would take a wee trip down to Hogwarts.

Evidently Dumbledore is losing his touch because it was easy peasy to get past the charms that he had set upon the place. We arrived and went straight to the hospital wing (not even stopping for a quickie in the broom cupboard)and commenced standing over scarhead's bed. He opened his eyes and screamed so we did a runner, after all we wouldn't want to be accused of being a virgin stealer.

If you ARE the virgin stealing slag, would you please return Harry's virgin he wants her back.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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