Written by Will The Thrill
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Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Schwazeneggar terminates cigar contract

Phillip Morris is sueing Arnold Schwazeneggar for breach of contract. It seems the giant tobacco company contracted Arnold as it's spokesperson for it's new line of cigar, The Terminator.

Phillip Morris claims that before the shoot Arnold found out that a few dozen test monkeys died after smoking the cigars. The cigars had no ill effects to humans except for lung cancer.

A written statement to Phillip Morris from Mr. Schwartnegger read: "I cannot condone the use of a product which results in the death of animals. Lab monkey #2 was a good friend. He never asked for much, just a banana every now and then. I'll miss him."

Phillip Morris plans to change the name of it's cigar to The Exterminator and hire The Orkin Man as the new spokesperson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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