Written by Cruella Divine
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Thursday, 10 April 2008

image for Daniel Radcliffe Takes Little Harry on a Worldwide Tour
Maybe We Can Take This to Other Planets? I'm trying to make sure I have work after 21.

London: It has just been announced that the second leg of the third leg tour will commence in New York this fall. Daniel Radcliffe will star in the US revival of Peter Shaffer's Equus.

"I am determined to whip it out on every continent on the planet. I realize that after Harry Potter my best years will be behind me so I want to get it up and out there as much as I can before I go into the child star retirement home.

"New York will be a tough audience. Americans are used to seeing and getting their lips around really large wieners. I can't make those claims but I've got bollocks that make bulls see red. I am going to take a balls envy break after the US and then take my naked package to Asia. Some of them are smaller than me so they will be quite impressed."

I asked about the content of the play and the importance of its message, you know the struggle to understand what is normal and what is not. Dan replied "Who gives a rat's ass about that? What people want to know is are my balls normal sized for a 5 foot tall British teenager. They are massive, I am proud to say. I am registering them in the Guinness Book of World Records as soon as the tour is over.

"By the way, I am glad that you didn't mention wand. I am trying to distance myself from that Harry Potter stuff".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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