(New York, New York) The breasts of actress Susan Sarandon and the buttocks of singer-actress Jennifer Lopez today took out a joint advertisement in the New York Times protesting "Disease, Famine, War, Hate and Other Bad Stuff."
The far ranging statement indicated general dissatisfaction with the fact that countries have "wars and things" and rued the fact that "some people have lots of money while some people don't". It definitively stated that hunger, famine and disease were "bad", and decried the fact that there is "a lot of bad stuff out there."
This marks the first time that Sarandon's outsized mammary glands, which were displayed prominently in a memorable scene in the movie "Atlantic City", have spoken out on any public issue. Sarandon herself, though, is a committed and outspoken supporter of left-wing causes. Lopez' well-known buttocks have likewise previously not been known to voice their opinion, and this statement marks the first time that the massive globes of gluteal protoplasm have taken a controversial stand on issues of public concern.
A "statement of support", appended to the protest ad, and concurring with its general tenor, was co-signed by Jennifer Aniston's hair, Nicole Kidman's legs, Juliette Binoche's mouth, Julianne Moore's eyes, Candace Bergen's nose, Julia Roberts' teeth, Jack Nicholson's eyebrows and George Clooney's stubble.
Jean Claude Van Damme's muscles, Helen Hunt's back, Russell Crowe's brow ridges and Dennis Quaid's grin could not be reached for comment.