Written by Panndyra
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Tuesday, 4 May 2004

image for Friends' Finale Scoop
The Ending of Friends: A Real American Tragedy

Hollywood, California

"Friends" mania has hit. With the finale of the decade-long series occurring this Thursday, the question on everyone's minds is "How will it end?"

NBC had kicked around several possibilities of course:

  • Joey would choose one of the females. They'd get some money and go to Hawaii and start a new Reality show called "Not-so" Average Joey and Rachel in Hawaii.
  • Monica divorces Chandler and admits to being in love with Phoebe. Chandler makes some sarcastic remark and they all get over it.
  • All of the "Friends" engage in an orgy. Paris Hilton guest stars as herself.
  • Rachel tells Ross that Brad Pitt is way cuter and she'd rather marry him. Brad guest stars and they renew their real vows on TV. Take that, Trista and Ryan!
  • Phoebe and Ross hook up and get married. Phoebe then has two husbands, but that's not a problem. Ross has been married 85 times already and shows her how to get an annulment. Judge Judy guest stars.
  • Joey wins the Nobel Prize for Literature and an Oscar. He makes his acceptance speech going 'commando' in the tux Chandler wore to marry Monica.


All of those above premises will NOT happen. They'll each be aired as Reality TV shows in the coming months to coincide with Nick and Jessica specials on ABC.

Fiona Clare Vouyant, psychic to and of the stars, said, "Friends will end very simply. Rachel and Ross will still deny their feelings for each other. Phoebe and Monica will become mommies so their children can have a spin-off in 2018. Ross will decide he's gay and try to hook up with Joey, who heads off to LA to start his spin-off show."

An assistant to the assistant of an executive's assistant at NBC, Dick Fockerbocker said, "NBC is gonna sink like the Titanic once Friends is gone. I'm jumping ship to UPN."

A memo was sent to NBC execs so they would not panic. Grief counselors have been hired by the network to help employees deal with the suffering that will occur after the plug is pulled on Friends. It extolled the virtues of the network and asked for opinions on the new Thursday nite lineup, which will be:

  • Fear Factor
  • American Dreams
  • The Tracy Morgan Show
  • Frasier

Several execs jumped off the second story of the building. when someone yelled, "Oh Wait! Frasier's ending too. We are so screwed." Luckily, cast members of "Scrubs" were nearby to administer assistance to the wounded. They died several hours later.

"Hey, we tried everything we could. We even asked them if we could just open up Fort Knox and let 'em go willy-nilly if they'd stay for an 11th season, but no...they wanted the show to go out on top and stay fresh. Actors!!! Sheesh!!!" a high-ranking janitor at the NBC studios said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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